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Discussion Starter #1
'I don't do distance we just get hurt'
'it won't happen' you know, that verbal curse
then 'I miss ya' come December 'it feels like months since i kissed ya'
'Will I even see you before Christmas?'
Sending x's in a text for the same effect.

New year and we reevaluate,
'This don't feel right things have changed' 'I can't look at you the same'
I'm filled with jealousy and rage (because of this girl commenting on my page?)
and this wasn't on page, 1
of our storybook the outlook has changed
page by page we've turned a happy ever after into a courtroom disaster.
the characters have faded now the storybook is jaded.
the book needs work and there's no one here to save it,
so we cover over cracks with these superficial paintings.
until late February when you ring me screaming
'it just feels different like there's something missing'
like r Kelly said there's no ignition for this spark,
so we live in this dark of each others hearts.
The parts we don't want you to see, where jealousy and pain reside,
and take a closer look we'll find you've already rode this ride,
and it still hurts real bad,
so sad cos we think we moved on from when ex's came and wrecked us.

But it makes us stronger people I'm not expecting you to believe me,
I'm just saying 'It's happened before it'll happen again' is such a negative way of seeing love my friend.
Besides that was yesterday. we learn from it and pray that tomorrow is a brighter day when,
beauty takes the centre stage and that ray of light inside your soul will shine brighter than you've ever known,
so bright that it might just might illuminate that place in your heart.



any criticism i'll happily take and work on! my first attempt at anything like this... like I know it has no real structure and is pretty much ramblings at this point. any advice on what to take out and add would be great  :slick:
 
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Kanye said:
I guess no ones like it then :hah:

this wasn't bad, some pretty dope lines in here man.
though I think, if you take your time, it could be constructed into something great.


its hard to get feed back in this section at times but keep posting! :)
 

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DAVIDRKING said:
this wasn't bad, some pretty dope lines in here man.
though I think, if you take your time, it could be constructed into something great.


its hard to get feed back in this section at times but keep posting! :)
thanks a lot man, I'll work on it and update it later this week... working on a different song now but stuck on it

concept is story about sisters, one slutty and one shy.. both trying to get the same guy without knowing it.. stuck on the second verse at the minute
 
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Kanye said:
thanks a lot man, I'll work on it and update it later this week... working on a different song now but stuck on it

concept is story about sisters, one slutty and one shy.. both trying to get the same guy without knowing it.. stuck on the second verse at the minute
sounds dope!
ill be lookin forward to it :datass:
 
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