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Reading his book it almost seems as if the whole attack occurred becuase he couldn't get 3 million euro's to fund publishing costs and saw this is the best route of 'marketing'. I feel sick. The fact that he was able to articulate his thoughts and lived a normal life (with friends and be was close to his mother) blows my mind.

I find this chilling. Play this:

Clint Mansell - Lux Aeterna
[youtube=220,25]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKLpJtvzlEI[/youtube]

Then read this:
"I can't possibly imagine how my state of mind will be during the time of the operation, though. It will be during a steroid cycle and on top of that; during an ephedrine rush, which will increase my aggressiveness, physical performance and mental focus with at least 50-60% but possibly up to 100%. In addition, I will put my iPod on max volume as a tool to suppress fear if needed. I might just put Lux Aeterna by Clint Mansell on repeat as it is an incredibly powerful song. The combination of these factors (when added on top of intense training, simulation, superior armour and weaponry) basically turns you into an extremely focused and deadly force, a one-man-army. At the moment, I do not fear death, but I am very concerned about being afraid on the day of the mission. I'm afraid that the potential fear I might experience during the mission will paralyze me or will result in me "crapping my pants" so to speak. Theoretically, this will not happen, as I have grown to be extremely mentally disciplined and I have undergone numerous hours of training and simulations. Nevertheless, it is impossible to properly simulate a martyrdom operation so I am still somewhat concerned for my mental state during that time."
 
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