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In January of 2014 I met a really good looking girl (her name is Sue) at the library of my university. So good looking that I actually approached her in the library (something I hardly ever do). I asked her "Do you study X subject" (knowing full well that she didn't) and she said "No, I study biological science". I then said "Okay" and left kind of nervously. [Don't ask for pics please - I respect her privacy].
Two months later, I saw her again sitting by herself - I approached her again and had a good 45 minute conversation with her. We then added each other on Facebook. I was extremely happy - I had never wanted anyone to so badly be my girlfriend ever. Unfortunately when I met her it was during the most depressing period of my life. I almost ended my life a few weeks earlier; had it not been for a course friend that looked after me - I was going to kill myself.
After that conversation, I started seeing her at the library almost everyday (and we would talk each time). This continued for exactly one week before I decided to flirt with her - and it was then that she informed me that she has a boyfriend. *****, I was in tears. Pathetic I know - but you had to realise how terrible of a mind state I was.
That same day (after she informed me that she has a boyfriend) we spoke on Facebook and she said she would definitely like me to be her good friend, which I thought was better than nothing. It was during this conversation that I found out that she's an INTJ (just like me). When she told me this my infatuation GREW.
The very next day, she unfriended me - she told me the reason she did this is because she fears that I like her too much (which was true). I tried to tell her that she shouldn't - and even mentioned how bad my depression is (bad mistake, I know, but - again - my state of mind was terrible) - it was at this point that she blocked me.
She then unblocks me again the next day, and then had a cold conversation with me on Facebook (because she felt sorry for me). I thought she would reconsider, but she ended the conversation in a very cold way
"Anyway, I will wish you best of luck and I know you can manage going through this hard time. You are at a very vulnerable stage right now, I reckon you should definitely speak someone more close to you as well. Because I think at this very sensitive stage you shouldn't be talking to someone you were attracted to. It is just experience talking, since the feeling will culminate eventually. Even though you won't believe it to be case. I am sorry but I will say goodbye for now. Keep your head up high, go to CBT and don't expect a lot from people, but I am sure you will find people who are great friends to you. Take part in social events, be more open, even though you might feel uncomfortable. And if you will become attracted to someone, my advice is to go slow and flirt slowly, not jump right into touching, that might scare a lot of people off. And since you are good at making a poker face, then even if you don't feel confident and are quite nervous, make it look as if you are indifferent. Not to them, but in general, take things slowly and seem confident. Best of luck with your studies."
In hindsight, that reply doesn't seem so cold - but, at the time - it destroyed me. Was in so much pain. 1 week, it felt like I had found the most perfect person for me. The next week, she blocks me and no longer wants to talk to me (but, in hindsight, I don't blame her). April 2014, I sent her this:
"Hey, can I talk you you? Not now, but in about a weeks time (I still have exams that I am preparing for). Don't worry, I'll be the one doing all of the talking; it's not going to be much of a conversation. I'll post it all here, once I am done with exams. It's a very unconventional thing that I am about to do - but I thoroughly believe it's necessary for me to do it; you'll know what I'm talking about once it's done. I hope that the space that I've given you has helped you to resolve your emotions."
She replied: "Good luck with your exams! I think no further "unconventionalities" or any sort of talking is really needed. I am sorry. And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary. Bye!"
And then blocks me. After that, I sent her one final email: "Wow… This is now the second time that you have blocked me on Facebook… Sigh, maybe I was wrong about you (this is a first for me). I was going to write this on Facebook (before ceasing communication with you - in every way - but I can't, due to the blocking). Anyway, one of the MANY things I wanted to tell you is that it's very obvious (and has been for a month now) that you had feelings for me - I'll spare you the details on how I came up with the conclusion. I was wondering why your "temperament changed" when you spoke to me on the Saturday that we had our final conversation, but it all made sense once I properly analysed what you were actually trying to say.
"And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary" - whom are you trying to fool here?
Anyway, I'll respect your wishes and leave for good. At least I can now tell myself that I really tried my best with you - I wanted you to become a very good friend of mine because I saw what you could offer. God bless you, Susan! Goodbye."
It was at this point I started taking pics of myself for the first time. I used to hate taking pics of myself because I hated how I looked in photos. But - because of Sue (I liked how photogenic she was) I started taking pics of myself for the very first time. I used to have a blackberry at the time. Because Sue had an iPhone 5S I too decided to cop one - so that I could take pics and use tinder (which was ULTRA popular back in 2014).
This is how I looked like back then http://i.imgur.com/svcf78F.jpg
I was fat back then (due to my terrible eating habits back when I was depressed) and I didn't know how to take selfies at all (getting much better at it now). I wasn't doing amazingly well on tinder (unsurprisingly) - and that was what motivated me to want to GLO up.
I never spoke to Sue again since March 2014 - but every 6 or 7 months I would see her on campus. I only saw her 3 times since I last saw her. She hardly comes to campus, she didn't take part in any social events, she doesn't go to the gym etc. So it was very hard to bump into her.
Lately, i've been thinking about her a lot. When i first met her she was in 1st year at uni. She graduated two weeks ago. I know a guy who was in the same course as her - I spoke to him and casually asked about Sue. He told me that she's one of the most socially inept person in the whole course - and that she only has like 1 or 2 friends. When he told me that it reminded me why i liked her so much. Although I have very good social skills now (due to working a ridiculous amounts of jobs during the past 2.5 years).
This past Saturday, I e-mailed her for the first time in 2.5 years, I wrote: "It has been a very long time since I last spoke to you. You must have finished your biomedical science degree by now
I never got the chance to really apologise for the way I was back then - i have seen you on campus a couple of times but had no idea how to initiate conversation. I remember when you last spoke to me, over two years ago, that you're thinking of doing a post graduate in neuroscience (but not at Imperial). I'm not sure if you're still in London - but it would be cool to see you again - on campus - before you leave."
She hasn't replied - and I don't expect her to. in fact, I won't be surprised if she blocked my emails (even though this is only my only second email ever).
Yesterday I had a dream about her (for the first time since 2014) which inspired me to make this thread. Today I had a peak at her Facebook (using my second Facebook account) and she looks just as good as I remembered. She's a big "what-if" for me. But had I not met her, a lot of the changes that I later did for myself won't have began.
In January of 2014 I met a really good looking girl (her name is Sue) at the library of my university. So good looking that I actually approached her in the library (something I hardly ever do). I asked her "Do you study X subject" (knowing full well that she didn't) and she said "No, I study biological science". I then said "Okay" and left kind of nervously. [Don't ask for pics please - I respect her privacy].
Two months later, I saw her again sitting by herself - I approached her again and had a good 45 minute conversation with her. We then added each other on Facebook. I was extremely happy - I had never wanted anyone to so badly be my girlfriend ever. Unfortunately when I met her it was during the most depressing period of my life. I almost ended my life a few weeks earlier; had it not been for a course friend that looked after me - I was going to kill myself.
After that conversation, I started seeing her at the library almost everyday (and we would talk each time). This continued for exactly one week before I decided to flirt with her - and it was then that she informed me that she has a boyfriend. *****, I was in tears. Pathetic I know - but you had to realise how terrible of a mind state I was.
That same day (after she informed me that she has a boyfriend) we spoke on Facebook and she said she would definitely like me to be her good friend, which I thought was better than nothing. It was during this conversation that I found out that she's an INTJ (just like me). When she told me this my infatuation GREW.
The very next day, she unfriended me - she told me the reason she did this is because she fears that I like her too much (which was true). I tried to tell her that she shouldn't - and even mentioned how bad my depression is (bad mistake, I know, but - again - my state of mind was terrible) - it was at this point that she blocked me.
She then unblocks me again the next day, and then had a cold conversation with me on Facebook (because she felt sorry for me). I thought she would reconsider, but she ended the conversation in a very cold way
"Anyway, I will wish you best of luck and I know you can manage going through this hard time. You are at a very vulnerable stage right now, I reckon you should definitely speak someone more close to you as well. Because I think at this very sensitive stage you shouldn't be talking to someone you were attracted to. It is just experience talking, since the feeling will culminate eventually. Even though you won't believe it to be case. I am sorry but I will say goodbye for now. Keep your head up high, go to CBT and don't expect a lot from people, but I am sure you will find people who are great friends to you. Take part in social events, be more open, even though you might feel uncomfortable. And if you will become attracted to someone, my advice is to go slow and flirt slowly, not jump right into touching, that might scare a lot of people off. And since you are good at making a poker face, then even if you don't feel confident and are quite nervous, make it look as if you are indifferent. Not to them, but in general, take things slowly and seem confident. Best of luck with your studies."
In hindsight, that reply doesn't seem so cold - but, at the time - it destroyed me. Was in so much pain. 1 week, it felt like I had found the most perfect person for me. The next week, she blocks me and no longer wants to talk to me (but, in hindsight, I don't blame her). April 2014, I sent her this:
"Hey, can I talk you you? Not now, but in about a weeks time (I still have exams that I am preparing for). Don't worry, I'll be the one doing all of the talking; it's not going to be much of a conversation. I'll post it all here, once I am done with exams. It's a very unconventional thing that I am about to do - but I thoroughly believe it's necessary for me to do it; you'll know what I'm talking about once it's done. I hope that the space that I've given you has helped you to resolve your emotions."
She replied: "Good luck with your exams! I think no further "unconventionalities" or any sort of talking is really needed. I am sorry. And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary. Bye!"
And then blocks me. After that, I sent her one final email: "Wow… This is now the second time that you have blocked me on Facebook… Sigh, maybe I was wrong about you (this is a first for me). I was going to write this on Facebook (before ceasing communication with you - in every way - but I can't, due to the blocking). Anyway, one of the MANY things I wanted to tell you is that it's very obvious (and has been for a month now) that you had feelings for me - I'll spare you the details on how I came up with the conclusion. I was wondering why your "temperament changed" when you spoke to me on the Saturday that we had our final conversation, but it all made sense once I properly analysed what you were actually trying to say.
"And my emotions do not play a role here, on the contrary" - whom are you trying to fool here?
Anyway, I'll respect your wishes and leave for good. At least I can now tell myself that I really tried my best with you - I wanted you to become a very good friend of mine because I saw what you could offer. God bless you, Susan! Goodbye."
It was at this point I started taking pics of myself for the first time. I used to hate taking pics of myself because I hated how I looked in photos. But - because of Sue (I liked how photogenic she was) I started taking pics of myself for the very first time. I used to have a blackberry at the time. Because Sue had an iPhone 5S I too decided to cop one - so that I could take pics and use tinder (which was ULTRA popular back in 2014).
This is how I looked like back then http://i.imgur.com/svcf78F.jpg
I was fat back then (due to my terrible eating habits back when I was depressed) and I didn't know how to take selfies at all (getting much better at it now). I wasn't doing amazingly well on tinder (unsurprisingly) - and that was what motivated me to want to GLO up.
I never spoke to Sue again since March 2014 - but every 6 or 7 months I would see her on campus. I only saw her 3 times since I last saw her. She hardly comes to campus, she didn't take part in any social events, she doesn't go to the gym etc. So it was very hard to bump into her.
Lately, i've been thinking about her a lot. When i first met her she was in 1st year at uni. She graduated two weeks ago. I know a guy who was in the same course as her - I spoke to him and casually asked about Sue. He told me that she's one of the most socially inept person in the whole course - and that she only has like 1 or 2 friends. When he told me that it reminded me why i liked her so much. Although I have very good social skills now (due to working a ridiculous amounts of jobs during the past 2.5 years).
This past Saturday, I e-mailed her for the first time in 2.5 years, I wrote: "It has been a very long time since I last spoke to you. You must have finished your biomedical science degree by now
I never got the chance to really apologise for the way I was back then - i have seen you on campus a couple of times but had no idea how to initiate conversation. I remember when you last spoke to me, over two years ago, that you're thinking of doing a post graduate in neuroscience (but not at Imperial). I'm not sure if you're still in London - but it would be cool to see you again - on campus - before you leave."
She hasn't replied - and I don't expect her to. in fact, I won't be surprised if she blocked my emails (even though this is only my only second email ever).
Yesterday I had a dream about her (for the first time since 2014) which inspired me to make this thread. Today I had a peak at her Facebook (using my second Facebook account) and she looks just as good as I remembered. She's a big "what-if" for me. But had I not met her, a lot of the changes that I later did for myself won't have began.
goddamn, I actually read the whole thing. Been there bro. I wasn't as persistent as you but I've been there man. Coincidentally in 2014 as well
