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10. Mario Galaxy (i remember when this first came out people were talking about it like it was the 3rd coming on jesus. it was for this reason i gave the game a go. fucking mistake, i load the game up first thing i remember doing was brutaly wagling the wii mote like some chronic masturbating nintendo fan...being known as a chronic masturbater i can handle but being known as a nintendo gamer? well thats just disgusting)


9. Halo 3 (again i remember this being big around the same time as mario galaxy. i never actually got to play this though, the reason why is because when i loaded the game up i got distracted a chinamen walking past my house)


8. Skyrim (the way people were talking about this being 'the greatest rpg of all time' i went into the game expecting to be able to live my fantasies as a black person. i couldnt find any fucking option to play as 50 cent smh. how can you have an option to play as a fucking lizard man but not as a black person? smh)


7. LittleBigPlanet 1 & 2(the whole marketing for this game was 'create your own thing' whether it be levels or movies or whatever. for 3 months before release of the game i actually wrote a softcore porn horror movie that i was gonna create using the little big planet deveopment tools. i planned it all out, i was gonna develop it and use it as my fucking first steps into pornography. i finally get the game and find out the fucking sack people have no dicks. what? how the fuck am i supposed to film a fucking porn film if they have no dicks? why have sony told me i can create anything when i cant? i actually complained to sony after little big planet 2...they listened to me and apparently the tagline for the next little big planet is going to be 'CREATE ANYTHING...accept for softcore porn)


6. Mafia 2 (far to realistic, infact it was so realistic for 3 months after playing this game i actually thought my life was the video game and mafia 2 was real life)


5. Modern Warfare 2 (i actually only played this like last week but it is already in my top 5 worst games this gen. the fucking blood that covers your screen everytime you get shot annoys the shit out of me. after thinking about it the blood on the screen kinda looks like getting a cumshot from someone with testicular cancer (hopefully i can make a testicular cancer porn film in little big planet 3...im currently writing a script on it tbh)


4. Mass Effect 2 (i only bought this game because i heard you could have gey sex or some shit like that. i went into the game on some elton john shit ready to george michael any mothafucka in site. first male i approached spiked my drink...i thought 'damn i didnt know geys get down with the drink spiking' sadly the drink spiking was about the only good thing about the game...the rest of it was pretty much talking to aliens about nonsense nobody outside of the development team knows fuck all about.


3. Enslaved (ninja theory are based only a few miles form where i live. during the development of this game everytime i left my house i could actually hear them stealing naughty dog's ideas. they stole the ideas and somehow made a simple game even more simple. you have platform segments where its actually impossible to fall...even in uncharted its possible to fall...with enslaved its actually IMPOSSIBLE TO FALL)


2. Saw The Game (this is what happens when horrible human beings get around a table and make a video game. go to this room figure out a shit puzzle...go to the next room figure out another shit puzzle. after you have figured out all the shit puzzles you may just be lucky enough get to see yourself die at the end of the game. 'oh i didnt see that coming IN A FUCKING SAW GAME. well atleast this means there cant possibly be another saw game' *1 year later saw 2 comes out* 'fucking hell')


1. LA Noire CONTAINS SPOILERS (i can not stress how much i fucking hate this piece of shit of a game. the game bassically involves going to a crime scene and looking around for controller vibrations like someone on a magical journey through the sands of female masurbation. sometimes the game tried to fool you by setting off a vibration when you were walking over something that is irrelevant, when you have a look at this irrelevant piece cole will say something gey like 'optimistic cole'..the game constantly looks over and laughs at you like the massive prick it is. setting up irrelevant evidence does nothin but get in the way of gameplay...it doesnt distract me, nothin can possibly distract me from the constant fucking vibrations..they could plant a fucking dinosour in the middle of the crime scene even that wouldnt distract me from the fucking controller vibrations. when you find all the fucking evidence you go over to the fucking doctor and talk about some fucking shit nobody fucking cares about, at that point cole clearly has the perfect chance to address the fucking parkinsons disease he obviously fucking has but he fucking ignores it. TELL THE FUCKING DOCTOR ABOUT THE FUCKING VIBRATIONS COLE IT ISNT FUCKING NORMAL...YOU HAVE PARKINSONS. the game could have redeemed itself by filling in the fucking plot holes (the obvious one being why the fucking shit cole seems to have some sort of fucking super power to have full body vibrations when walking past evidence.) i would have excepted it if he died of parkinsons at the end instead of the fucking complete random death he had)
 
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