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So I'm 17, biracial, and all my life have been raised by my single, black (Jamaican) mother. My relationship with my white father has been estranged for a while and he's starting another family I don't even know where he lives.

So anyway, I identify much more with my black side, I don't ignore my white side but I've been raised in a black household around my black family so I think its only natural.

My mom on the other hand has a lot of internalized self hate. She complains all the time about hating her curly hair and wanting to trade it for my wavy hair. Hating her brown skin and wanting to trade it for my light skin.

Since middle school I've only had one white friend come over to my house and she would tell me all the time how much she liked him and he seemed like a good kid. Whenever I bring a black friend to the house she'll be nice in person but then after he leaves she'll laugh and ask me why I have to be friends with such a dark skinned kid and "what ever happened to your white friend?". But she says she's just joking.

It's gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore. She tells me things like "You shouldn't listen to rap you need to start listening to rock, the music of your people." "You can't have kids with a black girl, your kids should come out lighter than you." She says the kid thing to all her children, even my older half-brother who's fully black gets told he can't have kids with anyone darker than him. But he's brown skinned and has always liked light skinned hispanic girls anyway.

Let me just say she's not crazy. My grandma was the same way even though my grandma's a darksinned black woman. Jamaican culture is very colorist and my mother used to get yelled at for even talking to darksinned black boys. To this day my grandmother will start cursing in patois if my mother brings even a brown skinned boyfriend to meet her.

But I really can't take it anymore. I just don't know what to do. My mom gives me identity issues but at the same time tells me she wishes we had a better relationship.
 

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You're mom sounds like an independent black woman who don't need no man... Unless he's of a lighter complexion than her

I'd sugest hooking your mom up with a black man, maybe she just forgot what she's missing out on :kanyeshrug:
 

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You're not your parents.

Bare times I've put my foot down and told my parents I don't agree with them, or that they should respect my decision. And they have. And your mother will as well, if she truly loves you.

And I'm not white. I'm Somalian :dahell:

I'll do it before anyone else ffs:

 

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you gotta sit down with her and tell her everything you just told us. If she really wants to patch things up with you, but you can't get over her self hatred, then y'all need talk it out so y'all can reach some kind of mutual agreement or understanding
 

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Gummo said:
you gotta sit down with her and tell her everything you just told us. If she really wants to patch things up with you, but you can't get over her self hatred, then y'all need talk it out so y'all can reach some kind of mutual agreement or understanding
 

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She is a grown woman who lived through life. Your just a baby. You have no right to tell her how she should feel. She been through shit but you want to act as if she should just deal with it. Its not called self hating. Its called wanting to better urself.
 
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