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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone, I don't really post in this section a lot but I kind of have a lot going on in my life right now so I was looking for some advice.  (I wrote a lot so I bolded a sentence near the bottom, if you don't want to read it all, read that)

Between last September and December, three people I have known and loved my whole life got diagnosed with cancer; my mom's boyfriend, my best friend's aunt and my close friend's mom.  Seeing the hair loss, the weight loss, and these people sick has really taken a toll on me.  My best friend's aunt beat her cancer recently which is great.

But a little less than a month ago my friend's mom died.  She was a great woman and a perfect mom.  I knew her for 16 years of my life and have been friends with one of her sons and her daughter for that period of time.  Seeing my friend, who is one of the goofiest people i know, break down while he put a flower on his mother's casket at the burial was one of the hardest moment of my life.  At twenty years old it was way too early in his life to lose his mom.  Her death impacted our whole city and it showed when over two thousand people went to the wake.  Even during the hardest time of their lives, the family still found time to ask me and my family how my mom's boyfriend was doing.  They live down the street from each other.

He was diagnosed with a terminal case of lung cancer in December.  Since he became sick, I always had a hard time thinking about what is going to happen when he passes.  I have a strong fear that I won't be able to be there for my mom enough.  I'm terrified that I'll do an insufficient job of being the man of the house and making sure my mom, my sister and younger brother are okay.  It upsets me that his daughter (my godmother) will have lost both of her parents to cancer, and that his grandson will grow up without both of his mother's parents.  I just need reassurance that I will be able to cope with the complications of losing a loved one.

A little over a month ago, my mom's boyfriend went to the hospital because he had pneumonia, which almost killed him because he was so weak from the lung cancer.  My mom sat me down and basically told me he wasn't going to make it past that weekend because he was so sick.  The doctors and nurses were almost sure he was going to die.  There was even a rumor going around town that he did die so I was getting tons of texts and calls saying "I'm sorry" when nothing had even happened yet.  Fortunately, he beat the pneumonia (which is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes) and had more time to spend with my mom, his daughter and grandson and the rest of his friends and family.

My mom just sat me down again this morning and said his at-home nurse noticed changes in his breathing, in his skin and he is starting to feel more pain.  She said that we will probably lose him by the end of this week. I know I wrote a lot and don't expect anyone to read the whole thing but typing this out is kind of a way of venting for me right now.  But if you have experience any situations where you lost a loved one and want to share how to deal with it, I would really appreciate it.  Thanks in advance, from what I have seen on KTT, the love shown by all the members really helps.
 

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Don't worry about the length of what you want to say. I'm sorry to hear that. That's very sad and I've lost two grandparents to cancer. Such a terrible disease. As far as coping with it....stay with your family, and hope that the experience brings you all closer. Be there for your mom to the best of your ability. As your parent, she'll understand if you can't always be there. Just remember that the ones you've loved are no longer suffering and that time heals all. It really does, in time you'll be able to look back and not associate them with the sad side to these memories. Look forward to that point and it will be better.. And they want their loved ones to always be happy.

When my grandparents died, it put a lot for me in perspective. I was never close to my grandparents on my dad's side, and I've always put off getting to know them, or felt that it was their responsibility to put forth the bigger effort to stay in touch with me (even though I still hold true to that). I kind of regret not getting close to them, but it just made me realize that I shouldn't take time spent here for granted. As far as today, there is no tomorrow.
 
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I've never really hadda deal with death before... When my grandpa died, I wasn't really affected (that sounds harsh but :\ i dunno). My other grandpa died too but I didn't go to his funeral because it was on the other side of the world and I didn't cry either because I guess I wasn't too close to either of them. When one of my best friend's mom died, I was sad but I wasn't grieving... But that NIU shooting a couple of years ago, my piano teacher's daughter was one of the victims and i went to her wake and I cried for someone I didn't even know... probably because I saw all these pictures of her and thought that we could've gotten along perfectly. Tbh, whoever has dealt with a major death in your family, my heart goes out to you because I know that I wouldn't be able to handle it half as well as you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks Shy. i appreciate it. sorry to hear about your grandparents, i lost both of my grandfathers to cancer too. still waiting on the day someone finds a cure for it.

thanks Kimi. means a lot. it's gonna be a tough week
 
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GOODROC said:
thanks Shy. i appreciate it. sorry to hear about your grandparents, i lost both of my grandfathers to cancer too. still waiting on the day someone finds a cure for it.

thanks Kimi. means a lot. it's gonna be a tough week
<3 If you ever needa vent, just shoot me a PM okay?
 

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Time is what heals my friend. The sorrow is all apart of the important mourning process. Surrounding yourself with loved ones is what helps you to get by afterwards.
 

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time doesn't heal wounds, it just makes it worse. I think you should just get the raw emotions out and try to better your life. That's what I did when my dad died from adrenal cancer. It made me think of everything I wanted to do
 

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the pain does not go away with time.  it stays the same or intensifies.  the only difference is that you learn to deal with it but if it is someone close to you the pain is there forever.  when you revisit it, it's as raw as the day they died
 

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Like people have said already, accepting it and moving on is the only thing you can do really. Also whenever you think about them, always think about the good stuff and not all the negatives like the cancer battles etc as that will make it harder to move on.
 
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