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Sam. said:
beats tight so are the verses the hook was weak though
This...

only thing, did Emerald Ruin add a bassline since he posted this? Because that bassline is weak.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Sam. said:
beats tight so are the verses the hook was weak though
Prince Al said:
This...

only thing, did Emerald Ruin add a bassline since he posted this? Because that bassline is weak.
I don't know what to do to make it better though, I like it is how it's written. I wanted to keep it chill and just ride the beat but it just wasn't executed well enough. I don't know what to do to make it better though... Any suggestions?
 

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Christian Louisana said:
I don't know what to do to make it better though, I like it is how it's written. I wanted to keep it chill and just ride the beat but it just wasn't executed well enough. I don't know what to do to make it better though... Any suggestions?
We're saying the verses are hot, the chorus just needs to be rewritten. Something with more, i don't know. Something more catchy. Its hard to tell someone what to write for a hook. I'm not really much with lyrics when it comes to music. I'm  better at composition.

 
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Verses are extremely dope but the hook is horrible. I'd re-do them with a bit more words than used.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
ZiLLY said:
Verses are extremely dope but the hook is horrible. I'd re-do them with a bit more words than used.
Horrible as in lyrically or sonically? I mean sonically obviously, but you guys are saying that even if the best singer in the world sang this exact hook on this song, it'd still be bad?
 
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"Turn it down
but dream louder. "

That's all?
Not even the fact that you said it a lot, it's the vocal approaches. It's not attractive. I'm being honest so don't take this a hate. I feel like you could either say "Turn it down" less OR add more to the hook. You want contrast in your hooks, especially for this vibe. I feel a simple "Turn it down" 4 times could do it. Space them out too. Nothing's ever final until you've made money off of it.
 
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Christian Louisana said:
Horrible as in lyrically or sonically? I mean sonically obviously, but you guys are saying that even if the best singer in the world sang this exact hook on this song, it'd still be bad?
Hook is lyrically bland and sonically cringing. Refer to my post above.
 
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I get a sade vibe from this production and you could space the hook so well omg. Like.. seriously this joint is so good excluding the hook. Listen to "Jezebel" by Sade.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
ZiLLY said:
"Turn it down
but dream louder. "

That's all?
Not even the fact that you said it a lot, it's the vocal approaches. It's not attractive. I'm being honest so don't take this a hate. I feel like you could either say "Turn it down" less OR add more to the hook. You want contrast in your hooks, especially for this vibe. I feel a simple "Turn it down" 4 times could do it. Space them out too. Nothing's ever final until you've made money off of it.
No, no hard feelings whatsoever, in fact I think I love you. I wanted honest feedback and I knew it wasn't cutting it. I think the written content of the hook compliments the song concept and the verses, I've been criticized before for saying too much, so this is my response. Trying to be simple. I'm trying to experiment with effects right now, but I definitely can see the 4 times also. I'm gonna tweak it and repost, and I'd love more feedback from you.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
ZiLLY said:
I get a sade vibe from this production and you could space the hook so well omg. Like.. seriously this joint is so good excluding the hook. Listen to "Jezebel" by Sade.
I get the Sade vibe too, that's why I loved this instrumental so much. I'll see what I can do. I can't record again right now, but maybe I can take them out...
 
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Christian Louisana said:
No, no hard feelings whatsoever, in fact I think I love you. I wanted honest feedback and I knew it wasn't cutting it. I think the written content of the hook compliments the song concept and the verses, I've been criticized before for saying too much, so this is my response. Trying to be simple. I'm trying to experiment with effects right now, but I definitely can see the 4 times also. I'm gonna tweak it and repost, and I'd love more feedback from you.
If anything, try taking them out and letting that open space breath. Don't focus so much attention on your voice and let the music speak. You have to become an additional instrument to the instrumental. You can't be on every second or else people will notice the repetitive pattern. Art & Music are so similar. Empty spaces in art speak very loudly when the only content is taking up 1/10 of the space. I'm not saying take up 1/10 of the song lol but give the other instruments a chance to shine as well.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
ZiLLY said:
If anything, try taking them out and letting that open space breath. Don't focus so much attention on your voice and let the music speak. You have to become an additional instrument to the instrumental. You can't be on every second or else people will notice the repetitive pattern. Art & Music are so similar. Empty spaces in art speak very loudly when the only content is taking up 1/10 of the space. I'm not saying take up 1/10 of the song lol but give the other instruments a chance to shine as well.
Thank you so much for all your feedback. I re-upped it, I just vastly subdued the vocals on the hook and tried to make them more subtle, I figure it's better at least for now...
 
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Christian Louisana said:
Thank you so much for all your feedback. I re-upped it, I just vastly subdued the vocals on the hook and tried to make them more subtle, I figure it's better at least for now...
you're welcome.
 
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Christian Louisana said:
What are your thoughts? It's in the OP
.

The update? Well it's only tolerable sound wise. I feel like it'd be better spaced out.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
EmeraldRuins said:
Oh worrrrrrrrdddddd????????

I'll listen later after I finish some errands, lookin forward to dis
Yessir. And this is just round 1. I want MOAR
 

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Discussion Starter #20
ZiLLY said:
.

The update? Well it's only tolerable sound wise. I feel like it'd be better spaced out.
Next time I can record, I'll do that and PM you it. I appreciate it man. Probably the best feedback overall feedback I've gotten on here. I know nothing about music theory and all that stuff, I just learn as I go. I can just rap. So I get better everytime I put a song out.
 
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