No this isn't a late April Fools joke. Charles Hamilton has officially announced his retirement from making music. Read his latest post after the jump.
Almost 150 projects. Almost 10,000 works of music. Established and flourished the careers of my closest friends, as well as allies I hoped would come around. Just to be a friend. Everyone from an early Jay-Z to Show Tufli. I was there. Watched and listened to them all. Some showed love (Corpy, Sha-leik, Sciryl, etc.), others took their pedestal and walked on by (J. Cole, Drake, Colin Munroe, etc.). It more than seems those who were close to me from the beginning are the ones who are around now, and want to see me be happy again.
Music hasn't always been a friend. I love writing. Journalism. Creative writing. Critical thinking. I went to see my 6th grade teacher, just to get a feel for my previous writing (journalistic) style. May seem a bit out of context, but indeed, the rush of impressing a hard-nosed junior high school teacher has reached a fever pitch. When I actually started making music, it was fun. The older I got, the more I stopped verbalizing and started musicalizing. Musically, I can say whatever I want, because I can completely avoid adjectives and diagnosis. You know... shy, nervous, anxious, wallflower, pariah... the usual unused words.
Lately I've been writing very desperate love songs, to ...well, not to hide the fact I'm pretty alone in my solituitous world of AsianRussianDisciplined musicianship. As hard as it is to want to find love, it's even harder to top the works and efforts of the heralded musicians/producers/engineers of yesteryear. So I love aloofly. The passion you hear in my music is a result of my psychic castration of self. Sacrifice my instrument of love making (at least psychically) to show true physical devotion to my music. I guess when I did it, I didn't believe in my psy enough to accept it. Well, here it is. (lol)
And here I am. Neutered, alone, praised, and well-accomplished. Simultaneously, I'm viewed as a Dilla biter, a George Massa stalker, and a Jack Splash groupie. Despite the innumerable amount of signs, sightings and encounters with SEGA, we/they/you are still considered a myth and a game system/console. Fuel being tossed at the fire, psychically, I have been ....well, beyond the psy. I have been given very warm and kind hints to stop making music. At least for now. The power of me making music, especially on the scale I make music on, is too much to (a) be relased and (b) be released for free. Such in mind, I do not agree with the practice of releasing music at a cost. The mere fact The Bible is distributed at a price bothers me, for those so deeply rooted in the faith. It somewhat bothers me that the Anton LaVey authored Satanic Bible is available online for free.
The music and journal posts of and from Charles Hamilton have been for the sake of theraputic release and potential motivation for others. But what do I do when I get ......when I have so much bottled up, and so much riding on me, and no one can afford to hear it? Both in pocket and internally?
It should not come as a surprise that I am depressed. Clinically, socially, manically, yet quietly. I refuse to be hospitalized or jailed again.
Yeah. I do talk in circles... I see it.
Anyway, yeah. This is supposed to be my release. I really mean it when I say I didn't mean to get this "big". I simply wanted to feed my wolves, find the truth and live it. I did 2 of the preceding, yet the latter is why I'm retiring.
In order to be true to SEGA, I have to ........(looks around) keep as much peace as possible. Which may make me sound like a delusional would-be superhero. But with so much going on in the world, and without denying, due to me, it's best I make things neutral for everyone involved.
I'm not recording anything new. Staff Development 2 might be the last volume of recorded music you guys get from me, or with me on it. .....I was working on an album last night, but... I might just have to leave it where it's at. I recorded my last song tonight. In a Harlem bedroom. On a Mac computer. About a girl who's name significantly matches my exact attitude.
...lol I used to have the biggest crush on Shi Reeves (porn star). (laughs to self). I don't know much about what I'm going to do next. I don't know much about what's happening next. Essentially, all my music from when I got out of jail until tonight are assumptions. I ruined the surprise. I tainted the tears. Shameth.
Without further ado, I announce my retirement. I've had a helluva run. 2005-2012. CEO of several companies, critically acclaimed, ...overall, with my accomplishments, retiring at 24 is all I can ask for.
I have so much more to say, but only tears can let these words blossom.
I just wish I could hear a sweet, soft I love you before I went to sleep. As Charles Hamilton. Wherever I am...