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Blair Sterlingson was a 16 year old boy in the fall of 2014, residing in the city of Hampton, Virginia, home to 130,000. He stood 5 feet, 8 inches tall, with short brown hair, brown eyes, and a slim figure. He believed himself to be moderately attractive. He was a virgin, but had never attempted to change that, although he was always turned on.

Blair loved girls, but he also loved his own body because there were so many things he could do with it. That July, he had a dream that affected him deeply. The main characters in the dream were 2 boys from his school. One boy almost gave a blowjob to the other since he lost a bet, but the deal fell through. When Blair woke up, he was disappointed. He wanted needed to see that fellatio. It was the first time he'd had a dream like that. Earlier in life, he had watched a little bit of gay porn, solely out of curiosity. After this incident, though, he became more interested in men, both online and in person. He started checking out boys at school and looking up naked photos of attractive men. He was extremely picky but realized that he had a thing for guys.

Blair preferred girls but felt that it might take a guy to know what a guy wants. In addition to this philosophy, the riskiness and guilt associated with the prospect of hooking up with another dude got him excited. This paralleled other aspects of his life, but homosexuality was a level above the rest of his shenanigans. Most importantly, this attraction was strictly sexual; he would never consider entering an intimate relationship with a man, as he was not a fan of the gay lifestyle.

3 months after his apparent change in sexual orientation, Blair wanted more. He wanted the real deal, and he was well aware that men were much easier to get than women.


Blair began to use a gay dating app on Sunday, October 25, at 7PM. He said he was 18, but could never wait that long because experimenting in his youth would be more sexy and fun, and if anything went wrong, he could use his naïvety as an excuse. The experience was new to him. He filled out the "about me" sections and within 5 minutes, there were multiple guys in his inbox. The conversations all started with a "what's up" and "chillin", then they exchanged face, body, and dick pictures. Blair was looking for high school and college age guys, and found 3 that he really liked that night. Most men on there were complete horndogs, but one conversation with an 18 year old mixed boy was interesting. This boy only did oral stuff, and liked butts, but claimed he wasn't even attracted to guys; "it's easier to get your dick sucked by a guy". He thought penises were ugly. Some other interactions made Blair crack up:

Blair: [picture of genitalia]
Stranger: "mmmmmmm"
Stranger: "i'm talking about the lucky charms in the background"​

Blair told another kid he was about to go play basketball and that guy replied, "I'm too short to play". He was 5'4. Blair was like, "I'm not that tall, either," then sent a picture of his bulge, promptly receiving the message, "I was talking about height." A lot of this happened before they approved his profile picture. Once it was authorized, he got more messages. The picture was of him dressed up, showing off his clean-cut, neutral face.

Blair's face was red all night, as it usually was when he did naughty things, but at least it was amusing and novel. He waited anxiously all day at school the next day and finally logged in again when he got home at 2:45.

Despite the abundance of men looking for a nut, no one had made advances yet, thus irking Blair. He wanted them to be straightforward with their intentions; "don't send me a picture of your junk if you don't want me to suck it". He only messaged a couple of guys first, since he was already busy with the ones who messaged him first. There was a plethora of guys nearby, he knew, since the app tells you how far away they are. Blair changed his profile picture to him smiling in the mirror, and quickly got more messages calling him cute. He had trouble finding other cute guys, though. At 5:15, someone special slid into his inbox:

Stranger: "Want a blowjob?"
Blair: "Hell yeah lol"​

By 6PM, Blair had walked to Mr. Nice Lips' house, which was less than a mile away from Blair's domicile. He chose this method of transportation because he was nervous and if he needed to rethink his decision, walking would give him the most time to do so. It was surreal, but he decided he was going through with it. He rang the doorbell and was greeted by 3 small dogs when the door opened 15 seconds later. The soon-to-be fuckbuddies never exchanged names for obvious reasons, but the cocksucker was named Ryan. He was neither obese or skinny. He had some facial hair, wasn't fruity, was very nice, and didn't look too bad. However, Blair was not attracted to him. He was 22 years old and a chain smoker.

"How are you?" - Ryan
"Good" - Blair​

Ryan had been in this situation many times before. He led Blair downstairs to his lair, then shut the door. Blair sat on the bed, wondering if it was actually going down. Ryan got on his knees, pulled Blair's black pants and red boxers down to his ankles, and put his mouth on Blair's manhood. It was at this moment Blair knew he fucked up. In his mind, he was saying, "oh shit, this is really happening." There was no going back. He let it happen. With closed eyes, the bicurious boy laid back, trying to imagine his favorite pornstar's mouth wrapped around his dick. After a minute of "pleasure", Blair could tell that he wasn't going to get hard. This caused him to be somewhat embarrassed, but he knew lots of other guys couldn't cum or get hard solely from oral stimulation. He wanted to make the best of the situation since he was already in too deep. The head was good; warm, wet and tight, like he envisioned. To him, it was like a dark water slide. Ryan felt up his body. He was into it. Blair liked it when he sucked and played with his balls. That was the highlight of the night. He also stuck a finger in Blair's asshole for 30 seconds and that gave Blair a good feeling. Ryan tried stroking Blair's dick to make it harder. It partially worked; he got 40% hard, but that was the best he could do.

It felt good physically but not mentally.

After working hard for 15 minutes, Ryan stopped. The boys made eye contact and laughed. "Almost there, a little more?" said Blair, to which Ryan complied. At one point, Blair jacked himself off with his own spit and Ryan tried to talk dirty, but there were no other vocalizations besides that. Soon after, there was knocking at the door, and someone called Ryan's phone. He had to go answer the door. In the meantime, Blair tried to find some straight porn on his phone, so he could get an erection and be able to finish when the intermission ended. Ryan returned 5 minutes later, telling Blair it was his roommate's mom that had showed up; "I know it's the most inconvenient timing, but is it alright if we stop?" "Yeah," Blair replied, while on his knees. He had never been more relieved. Ryan asked, "how big is your dick? 8 inches?" to which Blair laughed and said "no, 6 and a half". "No way," Ryan replied. It didn't sound like he was joking, though, and it didn't help that Blair was soft the whole time. He had seen one picture of Ryan's dick, which was inferior to his.

Blair told him it was fun, and not to worry, as he smiled ironically. Ryan told the boy, "you're hot as shit, dude." It was the first time anyone told him that. Blair blushed and thanked him. They went upstairs, where Blair put his shoes on, shook Ryan's hand, and proceeded to journey home in shame. When he was on the street, he passed by a runner who stared at him. Blair felt like the remorse in his eyes was visible to all. When he got home at 6:40, he went straight to the shower, trying to wash away his sins. The biggest takeaway from his fooling around session was that he knew he was straight.

As a Christian man once said, "I don't like mens no more."

In fact, he had deleted the app before he left the house of numerous hookups.

It was a negative experience, and the biggest regret of Blair's life. He felt more turned off than ever before, and this was not short-lived. His entire life was different that week. It happened. It was a real event, written in the Akashic records and witnessed by the Creator. He had done some deplorable stuff previously, but in the end, actions are the only truth.

"You are not your thoughts."

Blair Sterlingson felt like a piece of shit. He did what he wanted to do, but it turned out he didn't really want it. Although it wasn't pure sex, it was something, and he thought about what his younger self would think if he found out that this poverty sexual episode was what all of his days and efforts culminated in. He literally could not believe he got his dick sucked by another man. It felt wrong, but not in a fun, sexy way.

It was dark, but not steamy.

He couldn't escape it. He drove past that house once a week on the way to the store. Whenever he smelled smoke in the air, he was back in that basement. He was more uneasy than a five-year-old lost in a Wal-mart. He felt as hopeless as he did in the night terrors he used to suffer from. He wanted to cry, but it wasn't that easy. Above all, he wanted resolution.

Why did this happen?
Would my momma be ashamed of me?
Where do I go from here?
How do I learn from this mistake?
Do I ever share this story?
Do I talk to a therapist?
Should I kill myself?
Do I kill him?
Do I live an asexual life?
Will my views of this traumatic event ever change?
Will I ever be with a man again?
Would it have been any different if I liked the guy?
What if it was someone I had known for years?
What if I ejaculated?
Will Ryan think about this in the future?
What if we run into each other sometime?
Will he leak my nudes?
Why am I so dumb?
Why don't I just enjoy the fact that I didn't have to do any sucking?

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