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Anybody mind reading my intro paragraph?

741 Views 16 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  Scott Pilgrim
The topic is: Is Avatar a movie about the white man saving society? A typical "white savior" film or is it a film about the Na'vi saving the Na'vi



Avatar. What is an avatar actually? An incarnation, embodiment, or manifestation of a person are all examples of what an avatar is. In the movie Avatar, a form of avatars is shown at a level that humanity was not used to seeing. Most people think of a made up character via the media when they hear the word avatar rather than thinking of actually stepping into another living body. Avatar takes us to a new world of avatars by putting Homosapiens into the bodies of the Na'vi people. The movie has a great story built from love, loyalty, controversy and a tad bit of comedy. But if asked the question “Is Avatar a typical white savior movie?” and then re-watching the movie, a new emotion can be brought to life as to how the movie is viewed. Viewing the movie after being asked that question, I believe that  Avatar is a movie about the white man saving the “helpless”. I think that the story shows it inadvertently and that even some of the casting decisions show this also. 
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The topic is: Is Avatar a movie about the white man saving society? A typical "white savior" film or is it a film about the Na'vi saving the Na'vi



Avatar. What is an avatar actually? An incarnation, embodiment, or manifestation of a person are all examples of what an avatar is. In the movie Avatar, a form of avatars is shown at a level that humanity was not used to seeing. Most people think of a made up character via the media when they hear...
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Everything except the last two sentences sounds like you're just bullshittin' and doesn't really have anything to do with what you're writing about. and restating the prompt in a form of a question like that is kinda awkward, should just answer it directly if you know what i mean. should also be a little more specific in how you're going to show how it's a movie about the white man saving the helpless, I don't really know what you're going to talk about in the essay from what you told me in the thesis

someone should be able to read your intro and know exactly what you're going to write about and the intro sentences before your thesis should be more of a background that helps give context to your argument
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Everything except the last two sentences sounds like you're just bullshittin' and doesn't really have anything to do with what you're writing about. and restating the prompt in a form of a question like that is kinda awkward, should just answer it directly if you know what i mean. should also be a little more specific in how you're going to show how it's a movie about the white man saving the helpless, I don't really know what you're going to talk about in the essay from what you told me in...
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Shouldn't even say believe, should just say "this does this and represents this" instead of "this does this and I believe it to mean this"
ChasingTheCooI said:
Is this an academic formal essay? I wouldn't use questions. I wouldn't generalize that you would feel new emotions rewatching it. Never ever say you think, change it to you believe. What level of school and what class
Shouldn't even say believe, should just say "this does this and represents this" instead of "this does this and I believe it to mean this"
ChasingTheCooI said:
Is this an academic formal essay? I wouldn't use questions. I wouldn't generalize that you would feel new emotions rewatching it. Never ever say you think, change it to you believe. What level of school and what class
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